i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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