She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
