Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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