he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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