For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
