I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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