this beer tastes like vomit already
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
