I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
