When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
