I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
there is puke in my bra ... again
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
