My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
