I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she peed on how many people?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
