Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
