I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
