Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
