I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
