I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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