Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
