Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize