This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
