What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I deserve this hangover.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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