we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I AM VODKA MAN
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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