my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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