Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
