my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
