I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize