At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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