is your mom at the bar?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
