Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
NoShamevember. You game?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
