so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
as a side note pls kill me
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