Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
