He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
