drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
