Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
how drunk are you?
Several
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
