It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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