I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
