I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
