yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
