My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
