You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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