The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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