Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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