i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize