it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
