How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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