you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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