The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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