I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
