I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
