i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
