so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
