so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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