And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
