i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
