I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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