she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
