Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Plan B is the new Plan A
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
