Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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