clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
that may or may not have been my penis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
