Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
