the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
