So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize