11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
