Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
