The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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