I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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