your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
