i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I sprained my soul last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
