I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
