Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
