Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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