Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize