how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
