My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
