She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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