She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
