happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
