my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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