I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize