we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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